2003-10-28 - 1:09 a.m.

This is the sort of conversation I have with people on messenger:

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: blanche ?

blanchedelaroux: hi

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: are you busy ?

blanchedelaroux: it depends on how you define "busy"

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: well, Ive been hoping to chat with you, and you seem unresponsive

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: preoccupied

blanchedelaroux: I'm all ears now

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: where in Scotland are you

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: my name is David by the way

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: im in the states

blanchedelaroux: Hi David! I'm in the dark, forgotten heart of Scotland

blanchedelaroux: what sort of state are you in?

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: oh, the different areas I could tell

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: lol

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: where is the dark forgotten heart of scotland

blanchedelaroux: I'm not sure I want some spandex-clad loony a rapping at my chamber door...

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: 1. Not a loony.....2. wont be there till March. If Im gonna come rapping....it would be because we become friends

blanchedelaroux: A friend in spandex is a friend indeed

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: I might be able to send you some buisness anyways

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing:

blanchedelaroux: Well, that would certainly be appreciated

blanchedelaroux: The leotard game isn't as lucrative as it once was

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: pleanty of people that I know from a leotard interest group live around the UK

blanchedelaroux: Well, we do get a lot of rain

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: I might just come over, hit you up for letting me buy you a pint, or 4 and then let you take color interests, size me, and drop 200 Euro

blanchedelaroux: My goodness! That's the best offer I've had all evening!

blanchedelaroux: a man who likes beer and leotards... mmm

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: Im tentatively planning a vacation in March and a friend of mine is living in Edinbourgh at the moment

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: Edinburgh

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: so I plan on seeing him, a girl says she might be interested in meeting, she wears lycra alot....living south of Bristol a little

blanchedelaroux: I've been there many a time. It's a great place

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: and then spending more time in ireland

blanchedelaroux: So you're on some sort of lycra fetishist tour of this island?

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: nah, actually have been hoping to get this trip for a year.....happened upon Wendy Sunday morning....your time

blanchedelaroux: my, you're a fast worker

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: I dont think shes being honest

blanchedelaroux: honest about what?

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: she leaves with out saying bye, and just.....well what would you say to some guy that says hed love to stop by ....if shes interested

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: my friend might very well tour me around...and Id love to meet new people.....

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: granted im a little naive....I trust people to much.....an extreme fault

blanchedelaroux: you can never trust people too much

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: I get to thinking though, why would someone fuck around with me

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: why would they yank me around

blanchedelaroux: boredom?

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: true

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: so....de la roux.....french ?

blanchedelaroux: it's a french name

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: but very scottish ?

blanchedelaroux: no, man - New Orleans!

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: your from New Orleans?

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: lost...

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: its a french name, but your scottish

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: right ????

blanchedelaroux: correct. The name is from the Big Easy, I'm from Scotland

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: ahh....so not really your name

blanchedelaroux: it's not too difficult to grasp is it?

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: nope....just need to get the story ironed out and get the facts straight

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: lol

blanchedelaroux: Well, spandex_is_a_wonderful_thing, if that is your real name, I have to confess, that Blance is indeed a pseudonym

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: I told you my name was david

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: O'Neill that surname

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: the*

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: how did you get into making leotards ?

blanchedelaroux: Well, you could just be making that up. I get into leotards with my legs first, then I pull them up onto my shoulders

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: so do I

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: left arm or right first

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: I have no interest in being anything less than honest

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: so.....I have no reason to lie

blanchedelaroux: left arm first, except on sundays

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: every second sunday right

blanchedelaroux: well, I feel a little werid putting on my leotard on a sunday

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: every third thursday I use my right arm first

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: why ?

blanchedelaroux: God, man

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: lol

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: im sure he would wear em too, Im sure he would praise the leotard

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: hehe

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing:

blanchedelaroux: I like to think rubberness is next to godliness

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: so a little latex on sunday ?

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: leather ?

blanchedelaroux: maybe just a little

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: not at mass I hope

blanchedelaroux: I think Adam and Eve had latex fig leaves

blanchedelaroux: No, the east coast has no use for latex

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: piece of spandex loin cloth

blanchedelaroux: now you're talking!

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: both were in thongts

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: thongs

blanchedelaroux: thongs of praise

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: AMEN !!

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: so what might be a name I can call you.....other than blanche

blanchedelaroux: Stuart?

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: mmm no

blanchedelaroux: Conrad?

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: uhhh....my restaurant managers last name is Conrad.....no

blanchedelaroux: Well, call me Faedra

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: pleased to meet you Faedra

blanchedelaroux: the pleasure's mine

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: is thatpronounced (fay-druh)

blanchedelaroux: Fay-DRA

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: no no please....honor is all MINE

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: is the a pronounced as a "u"

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: like uhh

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: like the "dru" in drug

blanchedelaroux: No, like the "'ra" in latex bra

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: I dont mean to be a pain in the ass

blanchedelaroux: my little hemerhoid

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: how many leotards do you own personally

blanchedelaroux: Oh, let me think... I think about 56

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: so thats pretty much the only thing you wear ?

blanchedelaroux: I wear a wooley hat in the winter time. It's a bit nippy, parading about in a leotard in scotland after September

spandex_is_a_wondeful_thing: lol

Just to clarify: blancedelaroux is a profile concocted by a friend of mine in mid-afternoon boredom. The word "leotard" was used without much thought. Certainly I never anticipated that I'd be getting numerous, late night messenges from the lycra-clad fetishist section. Jesus. I don't have the heart to delete the profile, but after the above I think the time has come. I almost felt guilty when he sent me a picture of himself with his mom. He looked just like John Flansburgh, someone I definately never want to see in a fucking leotard. It's at times like this that I think maybe I should get out more. He honestly thought he'd met a scottish chick who made her own leotards. On second thoughts, the fuckwit deserves all the subterfuge I can throw at his sleazeball ass.

By the way, the conversation got a whole lot stranger and more sinister after the above cut off.

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