2003-12-08 - 10:22 a.m.

I'm practising the dark arts without even knowing it. A few entries ago, I drunkenly pondered the whereabouts of Blink One Hundred and Eighty Two, and softly whished that they'd reappear. Well, beat with a jaffle iron, but there they are on MTV! With a new song! Tom DeLongue's haircut is a masterpiece, and they've got cute girls dancing about in their unmentionables! They've got a bit more of a Beefy sound, and it sounds pretty good to these ears. When all else is mysterious, you can rely on stupidity to give you a cup of tea. So I now have the power to raise forgotten bands from the dead. I always suspected I was a necromancer. Ooh! The possibilities! Should I repair Ian Curtis's neck and get old misery-guts touring again? How about I resurrect the Dead Milkmen? Or re-unite Atom with his Package? Do you think the Pixies will kissy-kiss and make up without my willing? It's a tough call, but I'm going to waste my sinister energy by breathing life into Urusei Yatsura. I'm in that sort of a mood.

My teen years had little in the way of substance abuse, peer presure or confusion. The most pressing matter to me was trying to decide whether the song Kewpies Like Watermelon was to do with the heads of kewpie dolls resembling watermelons or whether the dolls themselves liked to eat watermelon. To this day, I'm not decided. About the only mention of Urusei Yatsura this century came from two-hit wonder and Evan Dando catamite Ben Kweller. It's a bit of a shame, because they were a smashing little band who just missed out on MTV 2 hero-dom. I was rocking out to them in bed just this morning, thinking that they had some fantastically evil lyrics: "I was spazzing out with depression... I was drunk at the comic convention, couldn't find the strength to leave". It's a special kind of band that has a song called Slaine By Elf - "Hey Satan, the mall's in chaos, so help us to kill our parents... You are SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINE by elf!"

Yes! They are the only band I've ever seen smash up their instruments on stage. Quite a ballsy move when you're only selling 6 records at a time. Arab Stap, Dawn Of The Replicants, Bis, Urusei... Scotland threw up some pretty cool bands in the late 90's. Now we've got Travis. This is entirely because people would rather stay at home and babble in an online diary than go to gigs. Ah, fuck it. I'd rather stay in and watch My Best Friend Is A Vampire (only £1 from smack generators!) than go out and watch the Strokes being cool. Message to Jack White: You're in a rock band - fucking act like it! If I see that ridiculous looking cunt once more, I swear I'm going to bring back Urusei Yatsura. Evil? Indeed!

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