2005-05-17 - 6:46 p.m.

This entry is a race against the clock. I'm bursting for a piss, y'see. Ooh, it hurts! I think when I finally get to micturate it's going to last for at least one minute and 12 seconds. The only thing distracting me is the lethal weapon I have in my hand. No, not that. It's a pen lid. They put holes in the end so if you're stupid enough to swallow you won't choke, But! By God, I'm tempted. What would happen? Would I choke? What does that feel like, I wonder. Can you imagine a packet of crisps but instead of Golden Wonders it's pen lids? Would I be able to dial while I'm coughing? Would they arrive to give me the Heineken manouver in time?

I'm desperate! Man, I'm going to explode soon...

But, what are the consequences of swallowing a pen lid? If I do it and die, then it might get called a suicide, but then who'd believe that bullshit? I'm not depressed or bi-polar like everyone else these days, so it'd be a mystery. What possessed him to eat a plastic cap? You'd have to put it down to a botched experiment, really. Would it go down my throat and then a reflex coughs it back from the Deep Throat? What happens? I want to know!

Pen lids, pen lids... I gotta pee.

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