2006-04-04 - 3:59 p.m.

No matter how bad The Wrestling gets I'll always watch Wrestlemania. It ushers in a new year every Spring. The stops get pulled out and those wonderful clichés are unfurelled to make it a memorable late night Doritos-and-dip experience. I concur that it's the Showcase of the Immortals. You even get celebrities - this year someone from Destiny's Child sang America The Beautiful. I usually hate such jingoistic wank, but at Wrestlemania I dig the pomp and circumstance. It's tradition, y'know?

Anyway, the real story of Wrestlmania wasn't Mick Foley and Edge's suicidal bump into the flaming table, Rob Van Dam's long overdue ascension to title crediblity, or Michaels and his 60 year old boss Vince McMahon creating a thrilling sense of drama, violence and justice out of nothing. No, Wrestlemania 22 was all about the Main Event: Triple H Vs John Cena. To say that Cena isn't the most popluar champion that the Whiff has foisted upon us is an undersatement to rank alongside "Most people are pretty stupid". They HATE Cena.

If you don't follow wrestling (I believe that includes several of you), here's some background. Yeah, background! John Cena has been promoted as the wigger champ of infants and ring rats. He's a baggy-shorted buffoon with minimal talent doing a hip-hop gimmick that appeals to the very young and the very dumb. Veteran fans of this right-wing pseudo-sport can't stand the fucker. When you've been watching wrestling for a while, and you think you know how it works, Cena is the last person you want to see as world champ: supposedly a credible representative of the business. Getting punched by Cena wouldn't hurt - the man's a joke. He's Vanilla Ice at a Black Sabbath concert. Go back 20 years and imagine the Honky Tonk Man being elevated to the level of badass, don't-fuck-with-me, Best-there-is, Champion of the Wooooooooooorld... doesn't cut the mustard, does it?

That John Cena is presented as a babyface and gets booed out of the building on a regular basis gives me faith in wrestling, and more specifically, wrestling fans. Not since a certain Dwayne "Rocky" Johnson elicited "Die Rocky Die" signs, did a promotional hope meet such opprobium, and rightly so. Cena is hopelessly out of his depth as champ, but that isn't his fault. He's a mid-card novelty pushed from desperation by a creatively-vacant company onto a vertiginous platform, and the fans are going to let them know it. Fucking right. Wrestling is a business founded on a lie and greased by subterfuge and snake oil. As an exploited, needy mark you're supposed to cheer the babyfaces and boo the heels. That's how it works. Simple morality tales for simple people. Cena is Now! Cena likes rap music! Cena is just like us! Go Cena!

Demonstrating that consumers aren't just mindless whores lapping up whatever spunk the corporation cares to excrete, wrestling fans have turned against John Cena. Big time. Wrestling is at a stage now where Kayfabe has been shattered and the secret let loose. Everyone knows it's a work and the wool is no longer covering the collective eye. Hell, it makes sense to acknowledge the fakery and progress to a level where the skill of the performers is appreciated on an honest level. Give us 20 minutes of athletic drama and we'll cheer you. John Cena as World Champion flies in the face of this. Wrestling is bullshit but the emotion is real and the thinking is real. It's not that Cena is the worst wrestler ever, far from it, but he has no business being at the top. The mob is going to speak.

When you watch wrestling you have the nagging sensation in the back of your mind that you should really have grown up by now and be watching something a little less homoerotic. When you watch matches like Helmsley Vs Cena 2006 you know that it's all worth it. The Chicago fans HATED Cena. There was an incredible tension in the air. It was thrilling to hear "Let's go, Cena!" chants from the obsequious section being silenced by booming renditions of "FUCK YOU CENA". And they let children watch this. On commentary Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross, to their credit, acknowledged this and explained to that the "traditional, old-school" fans hated Cena. Cena and Triple H, of course, knew the score and played up to the heat. There was a subtle tweaking of the babyface/heel divide that made the whole thing even more electric. We knew Cena was going to get a frosty reception, but the arctic tundra that greeted this putz was as welcome as it was severe.

For all the shit that Triple H gets as egocentric back-stage manipulator, he put Cena over clean on Sunday. By submission, no less. The silence was deafening. There should have been a riot. Not since Hogan turned heel has a wrestling crowd been so hostile. If they don't capitalise on this by turning Cena heel, then I'm liable to get so angry that I refuse to accept their offer of highly-paid script consultant.

One sign in the crowd summed up my night really well: "It's still real to me Damnit!!!"

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