2007-05-27 - 1:28 a.m.

"When Other Half called to say we would be going to The Aviator I thought yummy, I simply adore Leonardo DiCaprio.
After all, what's not to like about lovely Leo, even if the boyish good looks which made the Titanic bearable are now a tad more chiselled and mature nowadays.
I'd already seen Leo's Howard Hughes bio-pic on DVD, but the prospect of him looming large on the big screen had me salivating.
So it was rather a disappointment when I was brought back to earth with a bump.
This particular Aviator, I was informed by an exasperated voice emanating from my new and rather fetching Prada mobile, was a bar and restaurant at Perth Airport.
Other Half had spotted it during a trip to the airfield on the edge of Scone.
Not that he was planning some clear blue sky thinking or signing up yours truley for a devil-may-care microlight lesson.
No, he had been indulging in his passion for collectibles at one of nearly 70 businesses which have taken off in this fascinating part of the world.
He'd already been clued-in on the fascinating history behind the development of a Perthshire airfield dating back to the thrities, or so I thought.
But having lingered to scan a potted history framed on the wall in the foyer, I suspect the services of Taggart's team wouldn't be required to trace his sources!
While it was chocks away for the Aviator itself last Autumn, the actual airfield welcomed its first tranche of flight students before WW2.
I'm told the beautifully appointed bar and adjacent restaurant was once a retreat for the many students who flocked to Perthshire from the Middle East and other parts of the world to gain their wings.
But I'll wager they weren't seated in first class comfort in the flying school's heyday.
There's a wide-ranging light snack menu from breakfast through to late afternoon but we were famished and delighted to be ushered to our stylish mocha and cream seats by a smiling and wlecoming waitress before the Tennants and Diet Coke were delivered.
There are vivid cloud canvases and other reminders of the surroundings but mercifully the food was far removed from what you brace yourself for at 30,000 feet.
My pair of grilled field mushrooms with a glazed goat's cheese filling hit the spot and Other Half confessed he was almost grounded by a substantial bowl of delicious lentil soup with clipped chives.
While he tucked into the eight ounce Scotch filet served with the usual trimmings - onion rings, grilled tomato, mushrooms and some greenery, I boldy pilfered some chips from the cunt's bowl.
Crisp and dry, I was back for more to accompany my light as air cheddar cheese and asparagus omlette.
When conversation flagged, I found myself counting the number of fruits in a truly monumental salad
But I gave up when I was onto the fingers of a second hand, with red currents, watermelon, pineapple and kiwi adding colour and texture.
Not for the first time we had to pass on the puddings - cheesecake, treacle pudding, toffee apple tart among them - but my dinding companion was eager to add the latest addition to to his very own Antiques Road Show.
So we had to take flight at this juncture - but it must be noted a return ticket is a must.

The Aviator:

Perth Airport
Total Cost: £34.30
Food: Something to suit everyone
Service: Smiling and pleasant
Decor: Wooden floor and contemporary

Verdict: Good place to touchdown."

I was going to write about what a horrendous, twee-spewing cuntstain the Perthshire Advertiser's 'Lady Who Lunches' is but I think she does a good enough job herself. I typed out the above, Cratchit-like, so you can see what passes for journalism in this ghost town. Tennants and Diet Coke... fuck's sake.

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